Hiya Goatsters,

If you invite a black person to your home for a dinner of fried chicken you are making a racist remark. That’s according to the latest golf scandal involving Tiger Woods and Sergio Garcia.

I lived down south for a long time. There are a lot of restaurants owned by African Americans in Dixie. A lot of them serve fried chicken… damn good fried chicken. By noticing this I am making a racist comment… showing my true colors…. darn, I said, “colors”.

A lot of white Southerners eat fried chicken, it’s kind of a cultural thing…. you know Colonel Sanders and all. So if Sergio Garcia had been having a spat with Bubba Watson and invited him over for fried chicken would that be racist as well?

How about if I invited Italy’s top golfer, Francesco Molinari, over for spagetti? Racist?

Hideki Matsuyama… number 1 in Japan. Hey tomodachi, how about we get together for some sushi?

I could invite Jose de Jesus Rodriguez, Mexico’s highest ranked golfer, over for taco night at the McIntire’s but since he’s only ranked 363 in the world, why bother. Looks like them Mexicans suck at golf…. ooops that was racist twice…

Actually, I think I’d rather invite Rory McIroy down to The Old Goat for a Bud…. if I offered him a Guinness he might punch me in the face.

In England yesterday two Islamist Jihadist savages took a car and ran down an unarmed Englishman, jumped out of the vehicle and hacked him to death with meat cleavers and machetes while politically correct cultural apologists here continue to call Islam a religion of peace.

It’s such a f@#ked up world. I think I’ll head in to work early and pound down a few of the Banquet Beers. You should join me.

Music this weekend; The unrivaled Ryan Wimbish on Friday night for some great Texas Country Music… I might offer him some chili just to piss him off. Saturday night we have Englishman John Hasnip behind the mic…. how about some bangers and mash! that should make his blood boil. And for Thursday night’s Open Mic with Mainah Albert Lord I’ve got Lobstah…. I am such a bigot.

See you at The Goat,

Scottster

PS. I’m Portuguese so if you really want to offend me offer me Linguica and Balcalhua
PSS. Tomodachi is a Japanese word for “friend”

Hiya,

Great Music this Weekend at The Goat…. battling divas as a matter of fact!!

Tina Charest will wow you with her hot steamy vocals accompanied by the affable guitar stud Jeff Noel tonight (Friday) as Acoustic Chi invades prime time at 9 Tonight!!!!

Saturday (that is tomorrow) the sultry Nikki Hunt and her merry band of misfits takes the stage to rock and hoop and dance the night away.

There might be graduation parties out there but none are going to be anywhere near as debauched as we will be here at The Goat….. I promise.

See you both nights since there is no cover either night!

Cheers,

Scottster

Hiya Goatsters,

Those crazy students down at Cooper Union in New York City have taken over the college President’s office.

It seems that the Board of Trustees for the famous art school have decided that Cooper Union can no longer afford to offer a college education to all accepted students free of charge.

And the students don’t like this. They want it for free. They allege that the endowment left to the school by philanthropist Peter Cooper has been squandered and that the current President’s $750,000 annual salary is a prime example of the financial mismanagement.

That might very well be true. The fact remains, however, that there is no longer enough money in the endowment to give every student a free education. Taking over the President’s office isn’t going change that. But then that’s economics not art.

Interestingly, the faculty is siding with the students. This is fascinating to me.

By joining the protest aren’t the professors saying that the courses they teach aren’t worth anything?…. “Hell yeah, this shit should be free!”

You might think that after handing out all those free degrees over all those years to all those kids the college would be swimming in a rich flood of moolah back to dear old Alma Mater from successful grads.

I’m sorry to hear that it’s not happening.

Perhaps those past students have discovered that education-wise they’ve gotten everything that they paid for and have not prospered sufficiently to give back. Or, perhaps, too many alumni after having gotten so much for so little have been left miserly and cheap.

Whatever…. For live music this week we have Acoustic Chi on Friday Night and Nikki Hunt on Saturday Night…. two great acts and ADMISSION IS FREE!

Consider it a scholarship….. wait a minute, if it was worth anything wouldn’t we be charging for it???

Even though you can get all sorts of education at The Goat, this business doesn’t operate like a college… you see, there is no admission for this unbelievably good line up of musical talent because we’re hoping to make it up in extra beer sales… so, come on down and drink up.

See you at The Goat,

Scottster

Call or come in to get your Tickets for the Best Comedy Show on the Kennebec. This Saturday at 8:30 headlining Robbie Printz as seen on Comedy Central and winner of the Boston Comedy Festival! This show will be a sell out! And, trust me, you don’t want to miss it! Not recommended for young children or those easily offended.

Scottster

Hiya Goatsters,

Cribbage board stolen. Not good. If you get Goatmail and you stole the (custom made by Will Terry) cribbage board please return it.

If you plowed into the fence on the patio and knocked the post out of the ground yesterday, please report to the work detail Saturday morning.

If you broke the bench near the dart board, you are excused from the work detail since I already fixed it.

If you are the drunk who insisted on playing harmonica while our professional musician was trying to practice his craft, you are banned from ever bringing the harmonica into The Old Goat again.

If your name is Frank and last Saturday night you told Aimee that she needed to be spanked, you are banned from entering The Goat for life since you are no doubt a lousy tipping, cheap beer drinking, ignorant slob who nobody wants to hang around with anyway.

And if you have not purchased your ticket for The Comedy Show for this Saturday evening, quit waiting around and get your ticket ASAP… since they are going like hot cakes… Robbie Printz is headlining and he has not only been featured on Comedy Central he is also a past winner of the prestigious Boston Comedy Festival.
Check him out on robbieprintz.com two comics, Dennis Fogg and a player to be named later will open the show. The doors open upstairs at 8:30…. plenty of time for a brewski or three before the fun starts!

Tickets are $12 in advance or $15 at the door.

Ryan Wimbish will entertian the teaming masses downstairs following the event.

Aclaimed Americana duo, Adela and Jude, touring out of the Boston area will be our musical guests Friday night. They’ll be serving up heaping hot portions of blues and folk and their show starts at 9 downstairs in the bar.

See you at The Goat,

Scottster

Hiya Goatsters,

As hard as this might be to believe, I have just been invited to a private dinner (only 50 guests) at the home of a friend of mine for President Barack Obama down in Miami Beach.

Really…. absolutely a true story.

And I only need $32,400 for the ticket. Cheap. There are probably hundreds if not thousands of people more deserving and more desirous of this non-tax-deductible ticket than I am. Yet, I’m the one holding the invitation.

There is no justice on this earth.

I wonder if Caviar is being served. I’ve never had that.

Don’t let the price scare you, the event is a good deal since along with the meal, admission would get me a photo with the President and a moment or so to exchange pleasantries.

My my my, given eighteen seconds what could I possibly say to the President……….

“I understand you like golf Mr. President, what about corn hole, you like that too? How about cribbage?”

“You still trying to quit smoking?…. Try dipping Copenhagen?…Here, wanna have a pinch now.”.

“Your daughters are cute, I know a guy, sell you an AR-15 reasonable.”

“Ever watch gladiator movies?”

Sadly, I’m not going to get a chance to say any of those things because I’m short by $32,350 and I have to work that night…. gotta save up to pay for Obamacare.

This weekend’s music is Brendan Lake on Friday and Robbie Simpson on Saturday…. that’s a damn good line up right there.

And coming up Saturday, May 11, (next weekend!) comedy returns to The Old Goat with a three comic show headlining the hilarious Robbie Printz! http://www.robbieprintz.com/Home.html Tickets go on sale tomorrow! Just $12 in advance.

See you at The Goat,

Scottster

Hiya Goatsters,

In a letter I received this week dated April 22, 2013, I am described by an unhappy customer as acting “the perfect uncivil, ill mannered oaf” and one who had the audacity to “raise his voice” to the writer at that.

He suggested that “some career counseling is in order” to steer me away from serving the public.

The author has also promised to tell his story of my “rudeness” to anyone in any conversation that he is part of where The Old Goat comes up.

This story, he swears, will be repeated, “Again and Again. Over and Over”.

Okay, I confess. I raised my voice. Naturally, it happened without any reason too.

And it will probably put me out of business,

That’s the last straw. I’m done. Kaput. Finished. Washed up. A has been. A spent round. A lost cause. I’m history. Gone. Flopped. A complete and utter failure.

Call in the moving vans, organize the liquidation sale, cancel the cable and the electric, and turn off the water. Tim Acord, get the For Rent signs ready.

….. For next week that is!…. Imma gunna hang in there and keep the doors open until then since I don’t want to miss the great music we’re hosting this weekend from guitar virtuoso Justin Walton on Friday.

Plus I wouldn’t give up a chance to see Texas Country Rocker Ryan Wimbish’s show on Saturday for the world… and frankly, I don’t care if I’m the only guy in the place or not.

You, on the other hand, may not want to pass up what could be one last chance to get your last great pizza or panini at The Goat this weekend and to see for yourself just how uncivil I can be. Because you never know, we could be gone by Monday.

……Hmmm nahhh, Drunk Mondays are too much fun…. maybe we could be gone by Tuesday, I’ll let you know.

See you at The Goat one last time perhaps,

Oafster

Hiya Goatsters,

In a letter I received this week dated April 22, 2013, I am described by an unhappy customer as acting “the perfect uncivil, ill mannered oaf” and one who had the audacity to “raise his voice” to the writer at that.

He suggested that “some career counseling is in order” to steer me away from serving the public.

The author has also promised to tell his story of my “rudeness” to anyone in any conversation that he is part of where The Old Goat comes up.

This story, he swears, will be repeated, “Again and Again. Over and Over”.

Okay, I confess. I raised my voice. Naturally, it happened without any reason too.

And it will probably put me out of business,

That’s the last straw. I’m done. Kaput. Finished. Washed up. A has been. A spent round. A lost cause. I’m history. Gone. Flopped. A complete and utter failure.

Call in the moving vans, organize the liquidation sale, cancel the cable and the electric, and turn off the water. Tim Acord, get the For Rent signs ready.

….. For next week that is!…. Imma gunna hang in there and keep the doors open until then since I don’t want to miss the great music we’re hosting this weekend from guitar virtuoso Justin Walton on Friday.

Plus I wouldn’t give up a chance to see Texas Country Rocker Ryan Wimbish’s show on Saturday for the world… and frankly, I don’t care if I’m the only guy in the place or not.

You, on the other hand, may not want to pass up what could be one last chance to get your last great pizza or panini at The Goat this weekend and to see for yourself just how uncivil I can be. Because you never know, we could be gone by Monday.

……Hmmm nahhh, Drunk Mondays are too much fun…. maybe we could be gone by Tuesday, I’ll let you know.

See you at The Goat one last time perhaps,

Oafster

Hiya Goatsters,

We keep running out of stuff. That’s a good thing except when it is not.

Running out means we’re always using fresh foods. It also means we might not have what you came in for. But that’s all it means.

It doesn’t mean we screwed up and it doesn’t mean that I’m a jerk. It just means we don’t have something. We ran out. Demand was more than anticipated. Our supplier was out of stock.

Whatever, don’t take it personally.

Trust me; we’re not out back whispering, “hey, here comes Bob, I can’t stand Bob, I’m gonna tell him we’re out of pizza”.

Last Saturday we ran out of pizza dough at 6:15….not good. We’ll be increasing the amounts we prep so that, hopefully, we won’t run out so early this weekend… but if we do, you can always have a panini or a quesadilla or a salad…

Or, you can get mad and go up the street. That part is up to you.

There are a few good reasons to stay. 1. All the other menu items are good and tasty. 2. Huge beer selection. 3. Charming Sta……. er, no…er, Huge beer selection.

If you do decide to leave we will allow you back in without stigma …. remember; huge beer selection, great food when available, live music (this week featuring Paddy Mills on Friday and Keith Dover on Saturday).

Plus! We also always feature lively conversation with; adult themes, uninformed political opinions, sexual innuendo unbridled backstabbing and gossip, mundane whining and complaining, adolescent humor, jokes in poor taste, and belching.

See you at The Goat,

Scottster

Hiya Goatsters,

Sorry for the late notice… but you’ll have to change your weekend plans>

This Saturday with a show starting at 8:30 we are proud to present Once Was!

This awesome duo has rocked the Emipre Dine and Dance in Portland and has shared the stage with The Blues Travelers and The Spin Doctors….

Trust me, you don’t want to miss Jya and Kevin’s tight harmonies, great song selections, or Jya’s powerful solos. It’s bluesy, it’s jazzy, and it’s folky and their only area performance is at The Old Goat.

It will be one special night and I strongly encourage you not to miss this show.

Scottster

And No Cover Charge